A woman’s journey to agency, authority, and action. This is a podcast about showing up.
Episodes
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Holly in her own words: Holly Scaglione (she/her) holds a master's degree in social work and has over 20 years of service and leadership experience in the health and social services field, including teaching in the Social Work Graduate Program at Humboldt State University. She has Irish, English, French, German, Polish, and Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry and currently lives on unceded Wiyot Land.
Holly has been taught-from and moved by the spirit of the horse for as long as she can remember. She is a Certified Equine Guided Education (EGE) Coach and HeartMath Practitioner and serves on the Board of Directors for Weaving Earth, Center for Relational Education. As founder, educator, and guide at Spirit Horse Education, Holly works at the intersection of somatics, experiential learning, and collective liberation — all guided by her deep relationship with horses, nature, and herself.
I’ve known and worked with this wonderful woman for the last five years, so it was a real pleasure to bring some of her insight and wisdom to the show. One of the things I most respect about Holly is her willingness to get real about herself, her own continuing journey to selfhood, and the work she’s doing internally to shift the oppressive systems we labor under externally.
“I will not source my value from anyone outside myself.”
In this conversation, Holly and I talk about:
- the lifelong intergenerational path of embodied liberation
- individual coaching versus collective liberation, and how individual liberation can lead to the liberation of the world
- the work of recognizing the white supremacy and oppressive systems that live in the body
- the healing power of horses
- how horses always know when you’re faking it, and how faking it, urgency, and perfectionism are all manifestations of white supremacy culture
- how being real is a radical act
- the ongoing work of developing your own authority versus external validation
- the seduction of societal systems and validation
- the moment when Holly knew she could no longer participate in outsourcing her worth
- how hearing our own voice clearly is crucial to our own evolution
- the stories we tell ourselves and the one question we always need to ask
- modeling the feel of embodied non-action reciprocity through somatic work with horses
- Heartmath practices and tools to measure heart-rate variance and coherence
- the electromagnetic field of the hearts of horses and humans, and how we influence our surroundings
- how to develop an internal sense of safety and the practice of resourcing to ground ourselves and regulate our nervous systems
- in The Takeaway, Holly leads us through a simple but powerful practice of heart-centered breathing called The Quick Coherence Technique
Holly’s info:
Spirit Horse Education (SHE) - Equine-guided education, personal growth and healing. Using horses as our guides to know ourselves, each other, and the world in more authentic, compassionate, and just ways. Holly and the staff at SHE can support you to come into your power by...
- helping transform your old story into a new story
- de-program yourself from your automatic and unconscious conditioning
- wake up to your true power, authenticity, and grace
- and help you listen deeply and trust your inner wisdom... so you can make the best choices for your life.
Contact Info: spirithorseeducation@gmail.com or www.spirithorseeducation.com
Find Holly’s offerings at her linktree on Instagram @spirit_horse_education
Links mentioned in this episode:
Shout-outs:
Use this code at checkout to receive 25% off your first order: EQUINOX25
Use this link to get 60 days free:
https://www.scribd.com/g/8w1vki
Use this code to get $50 off your first grocery delivery:
https://www.hungryroot.com/r/A2KV2H
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
Why do we complain about how busy we are but keep saying yes? What keeps us giving our time and energy away to everyone but ourselves? What would happen if we said no? How can we figure out what we should spend our precious time on, and what we should be brave enough to ditch?
This is an episode that springs out of a crisis of time, energy, and will in my own life, and what I began to understand as I looked back over the last two years and came to terms with my own addiction to busy-ness.
In this episode I get down into the depths of our own value, our deep fears of starving or being abandoned if we aren’t continually productive, and the oppressive systems that exploit the very real consequences of saying no.
In this episode I discuss:
- the unpaid labor of women
- how we take things on way beyond our actual capacity
- what is the year of saying no?
- how the shadow of overcommitment can be the flip side of self-development
- how FOMO is a really base survival fear that doesn’t serve us
- working from a place of lack sets yourself up for more experiences of lacking
- how the media tells us to pack in more things in rather than cutting things that aren’t joyful out
- how to flip that equation on its head
- why this message to do more is so prevalent
- what is the best use of your time and who says so?
- how constantly saying yes depletes the intimacy of your relationships
- the stories we tell ourselves around the necessity of saying yes and the consequences of saying no
- what does it mean about us if we say no?
- the mother wound and how we all crave an endless source of nourishment
- what happens when we aren’t willing to supply that
- the judgment of other women and the sister wound
- the historical cooperative knowledge of women
- the communal discomfort of stepping into powerful choices
- where do we source our value?
- how boundaries are necessary to the intimacy of a relationship
- productivity as a moral virtue in our culture and who that serves
- the right to say no and how it’s a big picture decision
- perfectionism as a way to offset sin
- poverty as a moral issue
- the othering of perfectionism and why we learn we have to work harder
- asking whose definition of being better we want to embrace and how the method matters
- my own fear of not being enough
- what is saying yes stealing from you?
- the requirement of spaciousness to feed creativity, and how creativity is the life force wanting to be expressed
- the consequences of turning away from expressing your own life force
- the fatigue of chasing FOMO and our cultural messages
- how aging can increase our anxiety about having accomplished enough and whose standards we’re using
- why saying no feels counterintuitive and the fear of disappointing others
- who is the person going to those lengths to care for you?
- how the shadow of caring can be controlling and grasping
- how our belief that we are the only ones who can do things right is a real disservice to ourselves
- trying to control others is ultimately a fear of abandonment
- digging in to your sense of self allows you to tolerate the discomfort of saying no and the practice of valuing your own time and energy
- the takeaway: how to prune your calendar by following marie kondo’s idea of using the things that spark joy as your compass
- observe your own patterns of time and activity and lean in to the good stuff
Links mentioned in this episode:
Freakonomics on the cost of women’s unpaid labor and also NYT
Brene Brown - The Call to Courage
Somatic Experiencing - Resourcing
David Schnarch - Passionate Marriage
Shout-outs:
Use this code at checkout to receive 25% off your first order: EQUINOX25
Use this link to get 60 days free:
https://www.scribd.com/g/8w1vki
Use this code to get $50 off your first grocery delivery:
Thursday Feb 02, 2023
Thursday Feb 02, 2023
Rachel in her own words: Rachel lives with her husband and children on the shores of Lake Michigan on what is the land of the Anishinaabe People. She cares for a garden with her community of friends and neighbors, a practice that allows her to tend to her love for land and connection with others. She is exploring the concept of liberation in relationships by challenging the narrative that any particular relationship needs to look a certain way in order to fit the cultural norm. Her own practice of polyamory has informed the ways she understands intimacy and how she works within that intimate container to build deep, vulnerable, compassionate, and brave relationships with others. She continues to prioritize the work of shifting the cultural narrative away from simplifying through labels and "othering," but to open to the realm of curiosity, openness, and complexity. To support her in this journey of cultivating relational liberation, Rachel uses the books and tools and practices offered by adrienne maree brown, bell hooks, and Resmaa Menakem. She is deeply grateful to all the folks who have done and are doing the work of re-thinking what it means to be in living, dynamic relationships with one another, as she finds herself standing on the shoulders of many brave souls in doing the work of co-creating new and liberated relationships.
“We get to co-create these relationships however we want to - and that is what society really doesn’t want you to believe.”
My conversation with Rachel was a poignant case study of what it means to embrace agency, authority, and action as a woman, and what it means to be brave. I’m really moved by her willingness to show up and be incredibly vulnerable and forthright about her journey from a conservative Christian upbringing to her own liberation as a woman, as a sexual being, and as a human seeking connection and community.
Rachel and I discussed:
- Rachel’s identity as a polyamorous person
- the role of agency as a woman in a conservative Christian upbringing
- the ingrained expectations of marriage and the cultural messaging that surrounds it
- the importance of experiences outside the “bubble” and “echo chamber” to grow perspective
- how the taboo of having amorous feelings outside of your primary partnership is a deep cultural message not limited to a conservative Christian agenda
- the unexpected gifts of seeds sown many years previous as we grow into ourselves
- the benefit of allowing spaciousness in our lives and how it allows serendipity to emerge
- Rachel’s discovery that polyamory was an inherent part of herself that would have to be suppressed to make her marriage work
- the wider perspective of polyamory in relation to commitment and community, and how it isn’t about sex
- how intimacy and sex are conflated terms that don’t necessarily lead to or spring from one another
- open marriage vs. polyamory vs. swinging vs. non-monogamy - some real world definitions
- the bravery of leaning into your sense of self without knowing the outcome
- fluidity vs. uncertainty and releasing control
- unexpected insecurities and trusting what’s true for yourself
- recognizing your partner as a sovereign being
- the liberation of realizing you can’t - and won’t - be everything to your partner
- Rachel’s decision to use a pseudonym and walking the line between public and private
- the connection between your sexuality and how you show up in all aspects of your life
- unwinding oppressive cultural systems through body awareness and relational mutuality
Links mentioned in this episode:
Resmaa Menakem and My Grandmother’s Hands
Open Marriage by Nena and George O’Neill
Learn more about consensual non-monogamy
Shout-outs:
Use this code at checkout to receive 25% off your first order: EQUINOX25
Use this link to get 60 days free:
https://www.scribd.com/g/8w1vki
Use this code to get $50 off your first grocery delivery:
Thursday Jan 26, 2023
Thursday Jan 26, 2023
Have you ever had an irrational response to being seen, like a controversial post or a photo you put on social media? Have you found yourself censoring your true feelings and opinions so you’re not singled out? Do you tone down your sexiness or strength for fear that you’ll be labeled or even shunned?
These are all modern manifestations of the witch wound, a term for the intergenerational trauma women carry from the atrocities of the witch trials of Europe and the American Colonies.
This is a deep episode that you might find somewhat triggering, much like the experience of the witch wound itself. There’s a lot of information here about trauma, how we inherit it, how we hold it, and how it keeps us from our full potential in business and in life.
If you’re looking to step into your power in any aspect in your life, knowing these unconscious triggers is vital to your expansion. I end the episode with 6 actionable steps to help move through whatever trauma may be holding you back from success and joy.
In this episode I discuss:
- the visceral reaction I had to the term “the witch wound” and how an embodied reaction can be a way to know when to pay attention
- the intergenerational trauma of the witch trials of Europe and the American colonies
- separating out the cultural idea of witch from the historical genocide
- how the witch wound is non-denominational and applies to women of all beliefs
- the repercussions of being outspoken, sexual, assertive, or not obedient
- the ways in which we react to being seen, being bold, or putting ourselves in the spotlight
- our ‘irrational response’ to being seen and heard, and how we censor ourselves
- the consequences of being ‘othered’
- how this might keep us from being successful or pursuing our purpose
- what we mean by intergenerational trauma / transgenerational trauma / historical trauma and how it affects all of us, regardless of our conscious knowledge of the history
- ACES, what they are and how they are related - but separate - from historical trauma
- the legacy of ACES and historical trauma in the body and nervous system
- epigenetics and how historical trauma affects the expression of our DNA
- the systems of oppression that we inherit both explicitly and implicitly
- how secondary trauma has a profound effect on us and how common it is
- the empowerment of understanding your own process, and the power of reframing your responses
- what happens to us when we have a trauma-response, and how the trauma we experience has dramatic and obvious consequences
- how the witch wound and intergenerational trauma is a response to an experience that happened to someone else, but still remains credible threat of violence to women
- my own process of recognizing my nervous system response to trauma and threats
- how I learned to recognize my triggers and keep myself under nervous system threshold
- my own strategies for using the body’s inherent wisdom to regulate and reset
- making different choices before you move into a trauma response
- the takeaway: six strategies to use if the witch wound feels resonant to you and you want a way to move forward when you recognize your own responses to it:
- name it
- un-shame yourself
- titrate your experience and your change
- allow yourself to respond with different choices
- ritualize your experience
- seek and find co-regulation
I didn’t talk about the work of the next two links on the podcast, but wanted to link because I used their writings on the witch wound as part of my research:
Links mentioned on the show:
ACES - Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris TED Talk
My own process: Freeze for action: neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing
Dr. Peter Levine and Somatic Experiencing
Dr. Stephen Porges and polyvagal theory
Dr. Dan Siegel and interpersonal neurobiology
Some reading on trauma:
My Grandmother’s Hands - Resmaa Menakem
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk
Healing Collective Trauma - Julie Jordan Avritt and Thomas Huebl
Waking the Tiger - Dr. Peter Levine
Some articles on intergenerational trauma:
Understanding Intergenerational Trauma and Its Effects
Cultural trauma and epigenetic inheritance | Development and Psychopathology | Cambridge Core
Shout-outs:
Neurogan Use this code at checkout to receive 25% off your first order: EQUINOX25
Scribd Use this link to get 60 days free: https://www.scribd.com/g/8w1vki
Hungryroot Use this code to get $50 off your first grocery delivery:
Thursday Jan 19, 2023
Thursday Jan 19, 2023
Stacey Ramsower is a somatic sex educator, holistic perinatal consultant, and doctoral student in clinical psychology. Combining guided somatic awareness with ritual and ayurvedic wisdom, Stacey’s calling is to educate and empower women to ‘imagine inhabiting your body as a site of power, pleasure, and trustworthy wisdom.’
“Pleasure is the primary motivational force… Pleasure is the impulse for that capacity to create.”
This conversation was so powerful!
When we think of the most fundamental underlying belief that inhibits a woman’s agency and sense of self as an authority, we unearth the belief that our bodies are dirty, shameful, and unworthy of love and respect. This belief - which is instilled in women from birth - keeps us small and in cycles of shame and self-hate, and in people-pleasing and neediness for approval and external validation.
How do we change this and claim the power of our sexuality and embodied self? We change our relationship to pleasure.
In this conversation, Stacey and I discuss:
- discovering the pleasure of simplicity in the midst of overarching complexity
- external vs. internal rituals as energetic orientation
- how the body is primary to our experience of well-being and healing in relationship
- the year of saying ‘no’ and how boundaries are loving even when you’re keeping them with yourself
- how we discount our creativity in favor of productivity, and that to create space for creative play, we often have to say ‘no’ to other things, even things we enjoy
- the connection between women’s pleasure and women’s agency in the world
- how lack of nuance and binary thinking leads to shame and secrecy around pleasure
- outcome driven sexuality and how that’s reflected in our outer lives
- the power of women’s sexuality to transform the way we move in the world
- understanding our embodied sense of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ so we can recognize if something is truly for us
- the simple practice that allows us to increase our own ability to recognize what is in alignment and what’s not
- the Wheel of Consent (Dr. Betty Martin) and the way we are habituated to be in relationship to our pleasure
- expanding our own capacity for pleasure and recognizing the externally imposed expectations we bring to the bedroom (and the rest of our lives!)
- the energetic impact of blame and resentment and a ritual to move through it to determine your own needs
Find Stacey at:
https://www.staceyramsower.com/
https://www.instagram.com/sacredbody_staceyramsower
Stacey’s Emotional Processing Ritual
Links mentioned in this episode:
The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin
The Heart of Trauma by Bonnie Badenoch
Dr. David Schnarch and Passionate Marriage
Shout-outs:
Use this code at checkout to receive 25% off your first order: EQUINOX25
Use this link to get 60 days free:
https://www.scribd.com/g/8w1vki
Use this code to get $50 off your first grocery delivery:
Friday Dec 30, 2022
Friday Dec 30, 2022
Welcome to A Voice of Her Own!
In this short episode, we explain what we're all about, and why we're worth a listen. Enjoy!