A Voice of Her Own

Rachel in her own words: Rachel lives with her husband and children on the shores of Lake Michigan on what is the land of the Anishinaabe People. She cares for a garden with her community of friends and neighbors, a practice that allows her to tend to her love for land and connection with others. She is exploring the concept of liberation in relationships by challenging the narrative that any particular relationship needs to look a certain way in order to fit the cultural norm. Her own practice of polyamory has informed the ways she understands intimacy and how she works within that intimate container to build deep, vulnerable, compassionate, and brave relationships with others. She continues to prioritize the work of shifting the cultural narrative away from simplifying through labels and "othering," but to open to the realm of curiosity, openness, and complexity. To support her in this journey of cultivating relational liberation, Rachel uses the books and tools and practices offered by adrienne maree brown, bell hooks, and Resmaa Menakem. She is deeply grateful to all the folks who have done and are doing the work of re-thinking what it means to be in living, dynamic relationships with one another, as she finds herself standing on the shoulders of many brave souls in doing the work of co-creating new and liberated relationships.

“We get to co-create these relationships however we want to - and that is what society really doesn’t want you to believe.”

My conversation with Rachel was a poignant case study of what it means to embrace agency, authority, and action as a woman, and what it means to be brave. I’m really moved by her willingness to show up and be incredibly vulnerable and forthright about her journey from a conservative Christian upbringing to her own liberation as a woman, as a sexual being, and as a human seeking connection and community.

Rachel and I discussed:

• Rachel’s identity as a polyamorous person
• the role of agency as a woman in a conservative Christian upbringing
• the ingrained expectations of marriage and the cultural messaging that surrounds it
• the importance of experiences outside the “bubble” and “echo chamber” to grow perspective
• how the taboo of having amorous feelings outside of your primary partnership is a deep cultural message not limited to a conservative Christian agenda
• the unexpected gifts of seeds sown many years previous as we grow into ourselves
• the benefit of allowing spaciousness in our lives and how it allows serendipity to emerge
• Rachel’s discovery that polyamory was an inherent part of herself that would have to be suppressed to make her marriage work
• the wider perspective of polyamory in relation to commitment and community, and how it isn’t about sex
• how intimacy and sex are conflated terms that don’t necessarily lead to or spring from one another
• open marriage vs. polyamory vs. swinging vs. non-monogamy - some real world definitions
• the bravery of leaning into your sense of self without knowing the outcome
• fluidity vs. uncertainty and releasing control
• unexpected insecurities and trusting what’s true for yourself
• recognizing your partner as a sovereign being
• the liberation of realizing you can’t - and won’t - be everything to your partner
• Rachel’s decision to use a pseudonym and walking the line between public and private
• the connection between your sexuality and how you show up in all aspects of your life
• unwinding oppressive cultural systems through body awareness and relational mutuality
  

Links mentioned in this episode:

Resmaa Menakem and My Grandmother’s Hands

bell hooks

Thomas Hübl

Open Marriage by Nena and George O’Neill

Learn more about consensual non-monogamy

Shout-outs:

Neurogan 

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